How to prepare for your first session.
The day has come. You are waiting in the lobby for your therapist. It’s been a long time coming, but life has finally pushed you here. You recognise that you are unable to do this alone, you need help. But what does this help look like? Will you like your therapist? Are you ready?
Starting therapy is an anxiety-provoking day for everyone, including your counsellor, psychotherapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. It’s an unfamiliar experience opening up to a stranger about your innermost difficulties - your shame, your trauma - and its similarly unnerving to be on the other end of this exchange. However, there are some key things to know and do to ease your mind, ensure that you are prepared, and make the most out of your therapy journey:
1. Know that it’s okay to be nervous!
As I mentioned, therapy is inherently daunting. Try not to judge yourself too harshly for being anxious or afraid before the first session, in many ways this is part of the process.
2. Get a journal.
Studies show that journaling is beneficial for mental health. It is also an invaluable tool for getting the most out of your sessions. My clients often say that it’s difficult to remember everything that we discuss in each session. Journaling shortly after your sessions is a great way to reflect on what you’ve explored and gain perspective on your process so far. It will help things stick, highlight topics that keep coming up for you, and show a picture of how far you’ve come.
3. The first session is unique.
The first session usually is an assessment or introduction session. Your counsellor will probably ask you questions about your past, including your childhood and your family make-up, and what your goals are for therapy, in order to get to know you and develop an understanding of your distress. Talking about your childhood can bring up intense emotions which can stay with you for the rest of the week, so keep this in mind and try to be kind to yourself.
4. Manage your expectations.
a. Therapy will be a difficult, often uncomfortable, experience.
Therapy deepens your understanding of yourself so you can have better control over how you deal with life’s inevitable difficulties. This may result in reduced anxiety, low mood or other forms of distress. Good therapy is not meant to be easy. To understand yourself is to see yourself clearly. That means seeing the shameful parts, too. So, be prepared for things to get difficult and painful. Your therapist is there to support you and some discomfort is necessary to learn and grow. Nonetheless, if you feel you are not ready to go there, your therapist should work at your own pace, so do let them know if you are not ready to discuss certain topics.
b. Do not expect to be “fixed” by your therapist.
Although your therapist’s duty is to help reduce your distress, you are ultimately responsible for your own journey. Studies suggest that the strongest predictor of positive therapeutic outcomes is the willingness of the client to change. So, ask yourself: am I ready to face my demons? It’s often difficult to anticipate how ready you are before you start, however (although having the right counsellor for you is super important!) courage to face your fears will largely determine how useful the experience is.
c. Don’t expect therapy to be like the movies.
Many clients come to therapy expecting to receive a piece of wisdom that will indefinitely alleviate all their suffering. This is a myth that has been encouraged by depictions of therapy in the media, with the all-knowing therapist who transforms their client with only a few words of insight. However, therapy is often an unpredictable and ongoing process. Some sessions may feel life-changing, whilst others may feel wasteful and dull. You will only truly be able to assess the value of the experience once you have invested time and effort in the process. Nonetheless, if you really feel that the sessions are not helping, or you are struggling to connect to your therapist, speak to your therapist about your concerns. If this conversation isn’t helpful, don’t be afraid to look for a new therapist. Therapy is a relationship - you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find the right person.
5. Try to keep the rest of your therapy day relaxed.
It can be particularly difficult to find a few hours each week for therapy, yet alone an entire day. However, therapy is an emotional experience which can leave you mentally exhausted. Therefore, if possible, it’s advisable to try to keep the remainder of your day free or as relaxed as possible to avoid being overwhelmed. Therapy alone often isn’t enough: adequate self-care via journaling, meditating, and being with loved ones (for example) is essential to maintaining mental health. So, treat therapy day as a self-care day: take it easy, be kind to yourself, and try to do things that help your mental health.
6. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
If there is anything that you remain unsure of about the process, don’t be afraid to ask your therapist questions in the first session. Any good therapist should be happy to answer. For example, if you need clarity on their therapeutic approach or what you should expect from the process, ask away! If you are alarmed about their responses or feel really uncomfortable in their presence, don’t be afraid to terminate the sessions.
In sum, although therapy is daunting and often intense, it can be a life-changing experience. It can help you find yourself and enjoy life. It can transform your relationships with others and reduce the impact of your trauma. The first session is the start of this journey and I hope this article eases some of your natural anxiety.
If you are ready to make a change and start your therapy journey, I’d love to do this with you – email me today to learn more.